Far beyond caring
by germanNISI
Summary: "... Finally he understands why he knows the way through the little town so well and feels so safe in front of this familiar door of a little old house. Safe from his father and the mess that is his life. Because Remus opens the door. Because this is Moony. Everything he lives for." - Wolfstar love


****Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by our Queen J. K. Rowling. The characters are created and owned by Joanne Rowling, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Harry Potter.** **

**Far beyond caring**

He feels all the stares of the people, but ignores them. He does not stop walking and he does not answer, when he's asked if he's okay or if he needs help.

-Yes, he needs help- but not from them. Other people could never help him. And no, he is not okay; of course not.

It is not because of the bruises, that cover his body,not because of all the blood that flows out of his wounds or the dirt, the dried blood and the rips in his shirt. It isn't about the pain. It never was.

Maybe at first, when he had felt the very first hit. Back then he had fallen to the ground because of the force, his blood , dripping down, when his whole body had trembled and hurt. It had hurt so badly; his tears had accumulated in a puddle with his blood; he couldn't move, not even a little bit – so he had just laid there, numb, feeling the pain.

But after that, when he had been able to move again, he had looked up to see the man standing in front of him – the man who had done this to him- his father. And he looked him in the eye, and what he had seen – what he sees there even now, after all this years- what he saw once again just minutes ago- is, what really destroy him.

He is far beyond caring for all wounds, the pain, his body. He learned to shut the fuck up, to stifle the tears and cries and just stand the pain. Sometimes he doesn't even feel it anymore.

No, it's not about the pain, you get used to it. But something you can't get used to -that he probably never gets used to-, is this feeling in your chest, your heart, and the question in your head. Everytime it comes back. Everytime his father's eyes fill with this common expression of pure hate. Disgust. The father sees his own son as scum, as disgrace, unworthy. And when he hurts him, hits him, pushes him -merciless, hard, püowerful- his eyes start to glim with satisfaction. Pure strange contentment. He is proud, because he had beaten the shit, maybe he thinks he beats everything wrong, out of his wayward child.

But why? What is so wrong about him? What did he do to deserve this? What is it, that makes them hate him so much?

All this questions are in his head and they mess him up. Everytime again. Everytime they are back in his head and the searching for answers, -the missing of answers-, roils him, it puts his mind in a state of pure turmoil and he gets lost in the mess in his head.

This mess controls his mind and he doesn't care about anything else right now. He doesn't feel the cool fresh air of the nearing night, he doesn't see the beauty of the little town, that welcomes him directly, and he doesn't recognize the path his feet are carying him. Everything is so unimportant, until he stands in front of the familiar door of a little nice old house.

He knows this door. He knows who will open the door, if he knocks now. And so he knocks. Because this is why his feet carried him to this place. This is why he loves this town and knows the way through it so well. This is why he feels safe here, even safe from his father and the mess.

Because Remus opens the door. Because this is Remus. Moony.

The reason why he can still take it all, the reason he isn't totally broken yet. Yes, Moony, probably the reason why he is still alive.

Moony's warmth, his understanding, the ability to see what people need in every moment and to give it. Moony always knows what Sirius needs. This is why he simply opens the door a little bit more to let Sirius in. And Sirius flees into this familiar house. He flees into Monny's warmth – his arms, his touches, his kisses and his body.

He flees into Remus' love.

Because that is everything that matters to him. Everything he lives for.

So, this was my first wolfstar fanfic. I just had to write it, because they are my OTP. And although I prefer them as young happy boys, totally in love ; somehow I wrote a different part of them. But I hope you liked it as well... ;)


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